All this time
The Sun never says to the Earth,
“You owe me.”
With a love like that,
It lights the whole sky.”
Its one of those nights tonight, where my mind is wandering around in vacant spots that have no meaning, yet I find myself trying to find what it is. This last month has been the longest month that I can recall in a very long time. The days seemed to pass by quickly yet the time dragged on. I am eight pounds down within two weeks now, which is a good start. I wish I could say that my strength has been top notch and my heart brave and eager to devote all its time to this, but sadly no. I keep crying. I keep feeling that emptiness inside of me. The little voice of doubt, which screams into my soul everyday is still there and I know it always will be there.
“Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
“After all this time?”
“Always,” said Snape.”
Lately I have been thinking about love and life. How precious each moment is, how I wouldn’t give up a single second that I have shared with my family and my loved ones. I see these films about death and sickness. I see the world we live in now where people are banned and kept from what they need in order to survive. When seeing all this and knowing how real it is, it makes you see what is truly important in your life. My mind always wanders to my mother. I should tell her I love her more; I should always let her know how important she is to me and how grateful I am for her support and her devotion to me as her daughter. I should tell my father that he is strong. Strong enough to overcome his weaknesses and his sadness that he fights with daily. I should tell him how much I admire him and love him everyday. I should tell my little brothers how beautiful they all are and what incredible men they have grown up to be.
One of my favorite films about love is a film called Untamed Heart. One of my favorite lines from that movie is about love. “I loved him more than anything…I never knew life could be like that. Could be so beautiful and so nice. I was good at loving him.” Love is kind and pure and is everything. It is to me anyways. I know someday I will find someone to love with my entirety. I will give him my heart and carry his within my own. In a way I am scared, because never have I loved that way before, but part of me feels ready. I know right now I need to take the love I have for life and place that into myself and those around me. Time is precious. There isn’t enough time in the world. As soon as you close your eyes to the darkness, the sun arises with each blink. We are not promised the sun though, nor are we promised a moment where our eyes open. Therefore tomorrow I am waking up and I will be better than I was today. I will wear my heart on my sleeve more so than I ever have. Even though there is so much pain and ugliness in the world, I believe that the love we share with one another can honestly make it beautiful again.
Remember, to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.
Remember, to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person might not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
I will try to sleep now, the voice inside me is quiet for the moment. Thank you for being there and listening to my rambling…you mean so much to me.